Setting Ourselves up For Loss

Whoever wrote the rules to adulting, conveniently left out the most crucial one, caring for aging parents! I was recently in a situation of my own when I had this new job with a position ( Of calling shots) that I really wanted, and my mother who had to undergo a surgery, which meant weeks, scratch that, months of dividing my attention between a demanding job and being a caregiver.

While there’s no easy way to traverse a situation like this, here are some pointers from the book of a person who fell apart and put herself back together

• 1. You don’t got it together but, it’s ok: Nobody has really, and the ones who say so are lying. I took the days as it came. Pitching in at any place I physically could. Sometimes, it’s simple things like having the evening tea with my mom, that made her happy. I Tried to plan a schedule, failed, planned again, bombed and pulled through anyway!
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• 2. Love thy neighbour : Even if they’re the judgy kind who are miffed about “ the girl who leaves parents at home alone because her job is important” as long as they’re checking in on your parents, they’re helpful and for now, that works! Be kind and show them you appreciate the effort.
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• 3. You will hate your sibling: But don’t go all hulk- smash on them. My parents have been in the hospital twice between the both of them and my sibling was more than ten thousand miles away, every time! Understand that their absence could be justified. Also understand that any amount of angst against them is not going to make yours or your parent’s situation better.
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• 4. Don’t forget yourself : Go for a run, meet your friends, vent out with a girlfriend. Point being, do things that help you stay sane. Remind yourself that you need to take care of yourself to take care of others.
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• 5. It is difficult but get stronger: Emotionally speaking, most of us are a mess when we see the people who’ve raised us suddenly become vulnerable. At such times, understand that being an adult comes with the requirement of preparing for an ultimate loss and let every hospital visit strengthen you into making decisions which are weighed by rationale rather than emotions.

I have For most part of my late twenties been struggling with my hospital-visit-triggered-anxiety. It has been as difficult as writing this post has been. A lot of the struggle stems from the fact that I had never let my younger self do visits for routine check-ups with parents. Being one with the process moulds you into handling situations better as an adult. If you’re in your early twenties, be more invested in your parents’ health, understand that the human body regresses and it is natural. Collect yourself in emotional situations and accept help when you need it. Understanding that I’m setting myself up for a loss is a process and I’m still a work-in-progress.